Eurrgghhhh

I didn't fall asleep til early this morning. Muscles on the move again which is a good thing but it makes sleeping difficult. Eventually it stopped and I drifted a while in a kind of relaxed state and then went to sleep.

Strangely enough I had a few Beatle's songs drifting through my head, well, just a line from a few songs, rather than a whole verse or song, just before I fell asleep. Whatever they were, I forget now, but I know they were pleasant. I was surprised because I never listen to The Beatles because I find I just can't connect but it was nice just hearing the a line here and there. I do like the lyrics to some of the songs.

Maybe it was because I'd just read a PM from one of my internet friends just before turning in who really likes the Beatles music. It was very interesting.

I was woken by a knock on the door this morning though I suppose it might've been a car door or something or even just me coming out of a dream. Whatever, I managed to doze a bit more though I didn't get back to a proper sleep.

So, still tired.

Have been pottering around my boards a bit today. Today I've been thinking how nice it'd be if you could actually go and collectively give group hugs to people sometimes. Boardwise we're all over the world and I like it but just sometimes it'd be nice if we could kinda just be there to hug someone.

People have asked if I had ever wanted children and do I have any regrets about not being a parent.

Well, after yesterday's blogging...........


Yes, once I thought it'd be nice to have children but I wouldn't have made a good parent so I'm glad that I didn't.


Otherwise, up, fed and medicated. Had me vitamin pill and protein drink as well. The hospital drinks were called Fortesips, I was thinking Nutrisips but I didn't think that was right and it wasn't.

Listening to .........

Mud!!!

Wearing: me Indian trousers, black fluffy jumper, black sockies and black shoes.

2 small butterfly clips in me hair, one behind each ear.

Jewellry: me pink rose bracelet with butterfly with tulip and moon with little smiley face charms, two small star and bead bracelets from Claires (they were 10 for a fiver in the sale .. who could resist especially someone who likes starry jewellry) one's orange based with gold stars and the other's brown and silver based with silver stars, my lost then found yellow star bracelet and two mood bracelets with a few tiny silver stars on them.

Rings: a celtic weave ring, a dolphin silver and mood ring and a silver swirly patterned ring.


What should you be doing?

Taking my meds and getting some rest.


What was the last thing you ate?

Cheese, a bit of pickle and some biscuits.


Word Association

biscuits .. cheese

cheese .. feet

feet .. blisters

blisters .. gone

gone .. bye

bye .. hello

hello .. mud


What are you listening to?

Mud

Zzzzzzzzz

Well, I'm off to get some rest now. Bloggingwise I've been over on A Place In Thyme but I thought my friends who are parents would be more clued up on the UNICEF report than me as far as this country goes.

I do have to say I guessed who would have the first two places and going by previous reports I did think that the UK would have problems.

I'll also add that I don't think the report is the whole picture but it certainly touches on a lot that hopefully will start a lot of discussion.

And, that's it.

Bit of a cop out maybe but I'm also too tired right now to argue the points of the report as far as the UK goes. Some would be political but some would put me a bit on the outsiders side.

What do you think is best for children? How do you counteract the effects of poverty as far as children are concerned? How best to empathise with those who have little love and parental responsibility in their lives?

Etc.

Right, off to sort my pills out .. not so many in the evening .. and then shortly I'll be off to try and get some sleep.

Because that is what is gud fer me!!!

Tuesday ...........

Just getting my protein drink sorted out. I stayed up too late last night thinking stuff out but slept in too so I guess that sorted itself out.

But, as I've been saying for months, no late nights for me nomore.

Anyway I better get sorted and do a bit more around the flat. Still not quite cold free so won't be doing too much.

Resisted the call to go out for a walk yesterday.

Roobarb. Roobarb.

Well, I guess u just have to get in the kitchen and open the tin of rubarb and that packet of custard and aim the contents at a bowl.

Guess I'll be back with bean curries soon at this rate.

Tinned beans, spinnach, tinned tomatoes and curry sauce. Add ready cooked rice to same saucepan.

Though I guess I'll have to ask me doctor if I should be virtually curry free for a while until I'm a bit better.

I guess I'll have to stay down the korma end of currydom if I do eat them.

At the moment I'm just avoiding grapefruit juice. I don't think I'll try testing very hot spicey food to see if it has to be added to that.

I think it's one of those things you just kind of know.

Sorted!!

Well, some of it anyway. I'm just going to do a little everyday. I had to leave it for a while again because I wasn't well enough. A combination of the bugs plus having to go back into hospital plus me illness!!!

I'm still a bif snuffly but I don't feel as bad as I did. It was just getting the bugs after being in hospital I guess. I was really ill when I went in. Takes time to get over these things.

As for my initial illness I'm still rather fragile but there you go. OK, so you don't suddenly recover after a few weeks. Well, I never!!!!

I haven't been meditating every day even after seeing what this could do. Headaches, muscle stiffness and pain distracted me a bit I guess, but I didn't totally leave it.

Eating well and remembering my protein drink. Guess the drink makes a difference. When I was in hospital I had ready made ones in cartons with a straw with vitamins added. There were quite a few different flavours to choose from. They kept them in the fridge and would ask you what flavour you wanted. Pippa had them too. They were quite nice. Can't remember what they were called now. Something sip, but I can't remember the first part of the name. The only one I didn't particularly like was the strawberry one.

Well, sort a bit more out here tomorrow.

Up .. fed .. and .. medicated!!

Yeah!! And thinking I might be feeling a bit better today so I'm going to do a leetle sorting out here!!!

Not feeling great but maybe less coldy.

How long has this been going on?

I've no idea how long I've had this illness but I guess a long time. My dentist had commented that my gums were different some time ago. It's not an illness that shows itself until its very advanced. I've had no infections for some reason or other, infact the infectionless state of my mouth has been commented on. I had antibiotics after my treatment in hospital this time and didn't develop thrush or anything like that. What's wrong as far as the first illness is concerned is that my immune system has just got something wrong and is attacking the substance that joins my cells together. I'm on steroids to stop this and hopefully give the immune system a chance to sort itself out. This particular illness sometimes rights itself. There are quite a few auto immune illness, most people seem to connect them to rheumatoid type illnesses probably because those are more common. My immune system is obviously working fine in other ways though .. it just has this one problem!!!!! A rather drastic one admittedly but it seems to be working ok apart from that. The illness doesn't clear up by itself but sometimes a while on steroids can stop it. And they'll keep it under control.

I guess it's been hovering for a few years though.
It could be a long time I suppose. You don't know until it reaches what would be the final stages if there weren't steroids to change the course of the illness.

...........

Returns to correct a bit of spelling.

Und potterers orft ..............

Back with the protein mix

Up, fed, watered and medicated. And drunk my protein mix which I hadn't for a while. I'd hoped that the strawberry one was vegan/vegetarian but it wasn't. Bet the chocolate one's nicer anyway not that I'll ever know.

One scoop for 119 cals and around 24 grammes of protein. Just the one scoop a day

I took my medication with just a little food and I think the pain relief has worked better than when it goes down with a whole meal and I suspect that goes for the steroids too.

Someone was saying on one of the boards that steroids have given her a ravenous appetite. This is what I'd expected because it often happens but they haven't affected me that way. Maybe for the first couple of weeks after I left hospital the first time but I'd hardly eaten for around two months except for about a week and a half before leaving hospital so it probably wasn't surprising. I lost the weight I'd put on earlier in the year when for some reason I'd suddenly put on weight. Probably because my body was slowing down I guess. Around three stone went in a month if I remember rightly just before I went into hospital which meant something else was going on cause it was more than I should've lost even if I wasn't eating much.

Ofcourse having had the flu hasn't helped the situation as flu can damage cells. More repair work eh body!!! Still I'm doing my best now. I'm back with my protein mix and am eating very healthily and getting the rest to help as well.

Change of music

Well, back to Dusty Springfield for a while. Generally I just play music on the computer and I still haven't put much on it. To be honest I haven't been that bothered which is very unusual for me, though I do go through these times, but I think this was more down to the illness than anything else.

Bought a couple of cds of Kurt Weill songs from one of the charity shops today. £1 each. It's a long time since I've heard them. Listen to them tomorrow maybe.

Kurt Weill

http://www.kwf.org/


I'm getting more chatty too, been leaving that to other people for a while, though I do tire easily. And, I am tired now so I'm going off to put dinner on and I certainly won't be staying up as late as I did yesterday or rather this morning. That was just silly.

I'm sleepy this evening anyway.

Guess I better go and put dinner on.

As usual

........ up, fed and medicated.

Was up too late last night though still got six hours sleep .. didn't sleep in this morning. Don't think I'd've slept more if I'd've turned in earlier but it's still best for me to be resting though I guess.

Still waiting for the cold to clear though less on the sniffley side today.


Um, yes ... still playing......


That's right, that's right


Not bad for 97p!!!!

So....

I still have to disagree with myself. Hehe.

It's a difficult one!!! Not the disagreeing with meself but just the whole thing. It's probably one of the most difficult things I've ever had to discuss.

Late breakfast

Well, only in bed for 12 hours!!!! And still tired. I suppose I've been a little on the over optimistic side about getting over all this .. you know .. in a couple of weeks or whatever.

That's me. I do tend to underplay things a bit.

Even I have to admit that the last two bugs have knocked me out a bit though. My breathing's ok again and the strange noise has gone. It was my muscles rather than a bacterial infection. Last night my right side played up a bit. That's right, I thought, go fer it, it's usually the left side that causes most of these kind of problems . I wondered if I was going to get any sleep at all but I eventually dozed off near 3ish and was out like a light til around midday.

My left foot seems to be becoming more flexible again and the feeling there of having "gone to sleep" in the foot and the calf has been replaced by a sort of tingling pins and needles sensation. My left foot was much worse affected than the right for some reason or other .. egg sized blisters on that one, while the right foot went in much less exotic type blisters.

My nasal passages are what have amazed me the most though. Sheesh. There wasn't usually much room fer much more up them. I've no idea what caused this but I guess it was something to do with the breakdown of the mucous membranes and sometimes I felt almost soley responsible fer the destruction of the world's forests as I struggled to cope with what was going on nostrilwise.

But, that's suddenly a lot better. What I don't understand is why the pain levels still are so high. I can't stick me fingers up me nose to tell what's going on but I can see better in my mouth and there's still healing to do there. No bleeding though. I forgot to do me mouthwashes last night. I have steroid and steroid sparing pills to take but I also have lotions and potions to help them .. more steroid based things.

My muscles are taut and swollen from having to cope with the last two bugs. I suppose it's not surprizing I reacted the way I did straight after coming out of hospital.

What has surprised me too though is my sudden switch to really healthy eating. I wasn't eating very well the week or so before I went back into hospital, was relying a little too much on breakfast bars, guess because the tiredness and pain was getting to me. But obviously being porridged up again had an effect because I've been eating well since I left. No cravings .. well, maybe fer the odd bowl of rhubarb 'n' custard but that's been taken care of with an emergency tin of rhubarb and packet of custard stored away just in case.

Yey for the emergency rhubarb.

Chocolate? A square here and a couple of squares there. Apparently this stuff is too good to go without totally.

I ain't complaining.

Meditation

The other thing is that the meditation seems to be having an effect in that I can go into a meditative state easily that lifts my mood when I feel stressed. It's like flooding my mind with something that relaxes me. Found out yesterday. I pulled out of it quite quickly on purpose because I'd just tried to do it to see if I could.

Anyway, I'm off to bed now.


I hope to

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


That's neat, that's neat,
That's neat, that's neat,
Really love your tiger feet

Finally turns the music off and heads off to try and get a bit of kip.

?

Back in from a walk under the stars. Just a sort of ramble around. I didn't go far. It was one of those stay off the grass days as it'd been raining and the comyn was a bit on the slushy side in places. Nice walk though and a lovely evening.

It's been a strange few days really. A couple of days ago I'd been researching and writing about something and I'd let it get to me which left me a bit moody. I said something that I didn't totally mean, it was just in exasperation really I guess, because it was too all encompassing and there's a lot more to the story. i

The next few days in my head'll be interesting I guess as I sort it out.

Other people have unwittingly been adding to it too. A young guy I know said something that while might've been meant as satire but which is sticking in my mind cause it's very near the truth of the matter. He exaggerated what he said to make it funny. But it's sure made it stick in my mind

Then a woman I know said something that was more connected to my initial exasperation. There was a lot of truth in what she said, and, along with quite a lot more, I'd verbally thrown my arms in the air but it 's far more complicated than that reaction of mine. And my reaction, as a blanket reaction, was unfair.

Oh, well, I suppose the headspace is going to be busy.

Not that bad then.

Up later than I expected. I seemed to be drifting in and out of sleep quite a lot last night. Felt quite relaxed and noticed that my breathing had changed and that it wasn't as shallow as it has been and was moving my whole diaphram.

Still tired though and my lymph nodes are up today again. Pain levels reasonable. I took a little extra morphine yesterday, I usually take about half of what's been prescribed for me, to get a higher level in my body. Well, yesterday I just got tired of waiting as long as I usually do for what I take first thing to kick in. The morphine makes the paracetamol more effective but it also can make me quite sleepy and I don't like it. But better to be sleepy than continually fighting that level of pain I guess. The bugs have made the pain worse but it'll just be for a while I guess. I'm better than when I left hospital last though apart from the pain.

Right, I better get moving I guess.

No longish walks today though.

Tomorrow will tell ..huh.

It's so difficult to decide whether to go out for a walk or not. If I make the wrong decision I'm just going to feel really bad the next day and it can mean a lot of extra pain.

I walked down to Tesco in Warwick in the end. I felt different from how I had been feeling on previous walks and I was much more relaxed. It was a gorgeous evening and the walk went much too quickly. Think I carried too much back, it wasn't much but probably at the moment it was more than I should've been carrying. Took a shoulder bag down with me to spread the weight and didn't feel as if there was a problem. Just bought healthy food but a different selection from what's on sale here.

I'm being really good there's a bar of chocolate right next to me and I'm not in the least bit tempted. Had a couple of squares this morning and now I can leave it just sitting there.

My tummy still isn't right but I suppose I've just got to wait. There's a mixture of problems to clear up.

I read in the Warwickshire Telegraph that Warwick Hospital is having problems with the virus that's been affecting the hospital in Coventry. I think I might've had it a little while ago so I should be alright now. I try to be careful and wash my hands a lot and I've the bottle of handscrub. Whatever, I seem to be coming to an end of the cold too now which isn't what the bug they're worrying about there. Made me really ill though, but I suppose I've got to expect that at the moment.

Sorting out a little everyday here. Not doing much because of the illness but just doing a little everyday means things are moving. Less speed, more haste or whatever the saying is. If I try to do more than a little I'm just going to make myself ill and then things will take even longer.

It was hoped that I'd be able to get down to St Thomas' this week for an appointment but I wasn't well enough to. I told them I was doing everything I could to try and keep things going ok here and I hope to see them soon.

Actually comparing now to how I was when I came out of hospital a few weeks ago I'm a lot better. I really wasn't at all well.

Looks out of the window .........

Sitting here slightly transfixed at the moment listening to a Mud medley. It's off a party mix album but it's fine. Mud are one of my favourite groups along with Sweet, Hello and T Rex from the Glam Rock Era.

Think I'll listen to it again. Infact I think I'll put it on repeat. Though perhaps it's not the easiest music to be playing if you have to stay sitting down.

I woke up with slightly watery eyes this morning so my cold's still here I guess but the puffiness is going down.

I slept well last night but I'm still sleepy. Might go out for a little while. It's still mild.

Best to've stayed in I guess.

Well, I thought about it and stayed in for most of the day. I'm still rather snuffly and perhaps had planned on doing a bit more than I should just right now.

It's difficult to tell what to do some days. If I'm feeling really ill then obviously I stay in but it's the borderline days that are difficult. People always say play it on the safe side. How far can I walk? Can I go off to Oxford or up to Brum? Like it doesn't seem much to do.

Anyway, the cold will go. And I'm much more careful not to tire myself at the moment. I've got a bit off a cough still so I suppose it was best to stay in and I'm still a bit swollen up.

I was going to do me letter cards on the train.

But I'm glad I stayed in cause I expect if I hadn't I'd be complaining tomorrow.

No yer not

No yer not

Yes I am , yes I am, yes I ham.


Actually I am asking no advice on this one...........

Still................

Still tired and still puffy from this cold but the headache's gone and the backache's gone. I'm just sore around the chin and neck but it's not as bad as the head or backache was.

Still just a little bit snuffly.

I've had breakfast/lunch and sorted out my medication and I'm going out for a while. Maybe I shouldn't .. I do not know

But, I think it's ok!!! I'm not exactly pushing it at the moment am I.

And it's a nice day out there.

(Well sans the global warming factor!!)

Oi remember etc, etc.

Well, it's been like the end of February through March fer most of the year.

Doesn't faint with surprise

As I'm off out now.

Late

I fell asleep quickly last night though still felt tired when I woke up this morning and my back muscles are still stiff from this cold but not too bad. The headache has more or less gone.

Healthy breakfast .. healthy lunch.

I went last night but I was very late. I'm told it was a very good evening. My evening too as I've explained to some people.

Thanks Moya. And to the people there though I didn't arrive til very late.

I wanted a print for my brother and there was one there so he's getting that. I'll photocopy it first though. I was sure pleased to see it there. Ask for the others soon for me to take back. The money raised goes for lighting and heating and things. Though there're free raffles every so often. I bought the print and a little hedgehog.

Me Arabic alphabet game is still only half way through being made. I'm just so tired at the moment. Won't take long to do though once I feel a bit better.

I'm taking much more care of meself now. No good writing, thinking and talking about it and not taking any notice of myself.

A lot of it was just tiredness before. I saw in an article on the BBC site that MST can cause tiredness but ofcourse the effects of the illnesses have caused a lot of tiredness too. My body has a lot of repair work to do though obviously things are a lot better. This illness goes for everywhere though the mucous membranes are the worst affected. Not knowing how the skin is made up I don't know why this is though I suspect it's because this is the most fragile.

But it affects everything.

And .. healing? Um, no, not yet. But, I'm getting there. With people I trust it can only be a good thing. And that's for sure.

Someone away from here explained to me about healing and how it involves emotional healing as well.

I read someone saying that they didn't know why healing sometimes worked and sometimes didn't. That was to do with the Christmas 'miracle' here. But that was seeing it purely in physical terms. There is another side too but that I guess depends on how you see things. I hadn't really thought of it in that way either.

I have spoken about it now though whereas before I was holding back.

Bleuurrgh

Got up a lot later than I expected to again. Headache wasn't so bad this morning but still there and I suppose it's best to rest quite a bit at the moment.

Still a bit puffy but then I've had this bug. Just got to see it out.

I'm breakfasted, medicated and about to go into a quarter of an hour or so's meditation. It's so easy not to do it but quarter of an hour isn't very long.

And .....

For those who know me and get this ......

Yeah ........

It must be Bob Marley's Three Little Birds.

It took me almost a week to work it out.


Sigh.


And .. gud night .. before I get into "trouble"!!!!!!!

(23.18) In the UK.

And .. time to turn in

And feeling much better than I did this morning. Typical. Wake up feeling really bad, then when it's time to go to bed I feel reasonably ok.

Still, off I go. No more staying up when I should be resting.

Today's been good apart from the health issues. Back in touch with some old friends which has made me smile.

And, now, hopefully to sleep.

It's not been so good today then?

Today didn't start off that well though I slept well last night. Took me a while to get to sleep again. Forgot the oramorph and couldn't be bothered to get up to take it.

I know I'm getting better, this bug's kind of taken things back a bit but other things are showing that my heath's improving as I mentioned before.

And, I'm drawing again. Wasn't even really thinking about it, just started while I was on the phone to someone a few evenings ago.

Had a bit of a headache the last couple of days when I've woken up because of the cold I suppose so I've not been doing much. I got rid of it most of the time taking the pain relief I normally take but I still felt tired and very much out of things.

I've made some language cards though .. but still haven't quite finished them. Will do that tomorrow I think.

And he was right. I was too tired to go out last night. However interesting I'd've just dozed!!!! And I'd've felt worse today.

I don't take any oramorph during the day now though it's sometimes tempting. I take the slow release MST twice a day, once when I get up and then when I go to bed but there's still plenty of pain break through. Things are worse at the moment because of this bug. We'll see how things go.

I have other pain relief but ofcourse it's all gone down a bit during the night so the morning doesn't usually start off very well. It's difficult to know quite what to do. I could take more. It really is difficult to know what to do.

Yeah

Well, spent most of today indoors. This is where I looked after my mum before she became too ill for me to manage by myself and had to go into a home. Then I used to go over there to be with her.

Someone asked me if I would've given up my time if I knew how ill I was becoming myself. I really don't know. I've no idea whatsoever. I'm not going to pretend I have. It would've been a difficult decision. I'd've worked something out because I wouldn't have left her to go through what she did virtually alone.

I still feel sad that she was developing Lewy Body's dementia because of the Parkinson's Disease before I got a chance to talk to her by herself. There were so many things that didn't match up. I know she had a hard time. I had a bad childhood and I suppose it was a good thing that I was sent away to boarding school. The school wasn't bad really .. where else would I have learnt about Greek dancing .. the two women who ran it were free spirits of the 1920s I presume!!!! I was a spirit from Pandora's Box, a lotus blossom from Odysseus's travels. One of the school lawns had a weeping willow tree which was just right for us all to dance out from.

I went back a few years ago to look around. Climbed the steep hill up to the school but I didn't go in. I suppose I should've done. Most of all I'd've liked to've known if they knew how Jane and Rosemary got on. We lost touch and they were local girls so they might've visited the school.

It's from a bygone era. I remember going to Elizabeth's the tea shop with my aunt when she came to take me out on visiting day. We had tea and scones. And Sophie from Nigeria used to come with us while she was there because she had no relatives in this country to go out with. She gave me her teddy bear when she left.

Yeah. It was a good thing that I went away to school. The memories will've been better than if I'd stayed at home for those years.

I'd always hoped that I'd be able to talk to mum once she was alone and get to understand some of what went on. But that wasn't how it was to be.

Too late

As I didn't get out last night I thought I'd go to the coffee morning today. Ofcourse I didn't wake up til gone eleven so that was out too. Just as well cause I'm a bit on the snuffly side this morning and maybe it was best not to go.

Had breakfast. Muesli, soya milk and an apple. Done me meds.

Got loads to do but I'm tired so I might just have a day of resting and pottering around a bit.

I don't feel too bad but I'm obviously not cold free right now.

IN!!!!!!!!

I've promised to stay in this evening rather than go to the meeting and I'm very glad that I have. I'm just not well enough to go.

I did go for a very short walk down a little bit of the common towards the sports centre but I really wasn't feeling too good and just came back. I'd said I wouldn't go out for long but I was out for even less than I expected.

I read on the front page of one of the local papers that there's a bug doing the rounds at a hospital in Coventry and that they might ask visitors not to come in if they've a cold or something. I just skimmed the article so didn't read that much. I guess it might be what I've got. It's really affected me because of my underlying illnesses though the really bad pain on my left hand side isn't as it was when I first came down with it and I suppose it says something that while making me feel so bad the limp hasn't come back.

So, things are improving I guess. I've stopped being sick just because I've sneezed, my nasal passages are a lot better, and I'm not bleeding like I was before I went into hospital the first time, my feet are a lot better and my limp hasn't come back even when I'm feeling as rough as this.

I still get very tired very easily and there's a lot of pain. The mornings are not good generally speaking.

I suppose I could've headed up fer an evening mug of hot chocolate (no chips!!) but it's probably better that I came back to rest. Might as well've gone to the meeting if I'd done that I guess.

I'm just going to put some veggies on. I've eaten an egg sandwich and a little bit of carrot cake. I didn't like the carrot cake that much. I really seem to have gone off anything sweet. I just thought I'd try it but I didn't like it. The veggies seem much nicer and sort of warming or something.

My diet has become amazingly healthy. I didn't get round to me quarter of an hours meditation today but I guess I've rested pretty much for most of the day.

Go and do me veggies and either read the papers or finish the language cards I started making yesterday.

Sleep

To carry on from the last post about sleeping

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17170672

I'd read about brain cell renewal some time ago and was just wondering if this is any different from what was written about then.

I'm sleeping alright though it's taking me a while to actually fall asleep at the moment. I know it's important for me to get enough sleep at the moment because of the amount of repair work my body needs to do, most of which will be done while I'm sleeping or resting.

I don't get up anymore if I can't sleep. I'm not as restless as I was or maybe I am in some ways but it's easy enough just to relax and hope that I'll soon drift off to sleep.

And I don't put the light on. I can't remember if it's melatonin production or serotonin production that is affected by darkness.

I'm pretty tired today though so it's best just to rest. I don't feel too bad apart from that. Pain levels were pretty high this morning but I've sorted that out so that it's not too bad. The cold I had made things pretty bad but that's easing off, the worst has gone.

Turn right at the end of town ............

I went for a walk yesterday and I haven't the slightest idea if I feel any the worse for that. I don't feel as ill as I did yesterday morning. I'd gone down the end of town to pick up a prescription and just decided to walk on. Generally I feel it the next day and it's difficult to tell this morning because I'm still getting over the effects of the cold.

As far as I know me feet are still in one piece!!!! Well, two, but u know what I mean. I'm still getting through this cold though I'm not quite as wheezy as I was. The worst of the extra pain has gone though .. just left with a bit of wheeziness and this strange soft creaking sound in the mornings which is getting better too. It's something to do with me muscles and the effects of the cold.

And, I'm eating well. Only way to sort this out I think.

Tired.

I'm recovering from post cold bleurrgh again. Well, I'm just tired I guess. I woke up this morning feeling if I'd hardly slept at all. I was very surprised to hear the traffic outside and see that it was light.

That happens sometimes. Don't know why. If it's because of a dream or because of the stage in sleep patterns you're at when you wake. I don't know but I really felt as if I hardly slept at all. The hardly having slept at all would've been the night before when the extra pain from the cold had subsided a little but for some reason or other I found instead of making it easier to get to sleep I hardly slept at all.

So, I'm tired.

................... Zzzzzzzzzzz

Pops back in to edit mistakes and then goes off to get some sleep. Medicine doon the hatch etc so time to turn in.

Great

I had been feeling slightly miffed about Saturday evening because I had wanted to go just to talk to the lady. I had missed out on an event because all the places had gone while I was in hospital but I could still've spoken to the guest afterwards.

I found out this evening that she'll be back shortly before I leave. I almost bounced along on my walk back. I'd half dozed through most of the evening cause I was really tired but I was pleased to be there and enjoyed it. The speaker said he felt he was being rather slow this evening. Guess that's how it is for all of us sometimes. As for me I could hardly keep awake and it was nothing to do with him.

My hearing has been slightly affected by the cold but came back mid throat clearance towards the end of the evening and things seemed much brighter. I've slight hearing loss now anyway. Noticed that my hearing's not as good as it was a year ago. Don't know if it's the illness or if years of loud music have finally caught up with me. I have slight tinnitus though it doesn't really bother me.

A coldish wind had got up while I was in the building. I'd gone there thinking I was too well wrapped up, came back wishing I'd my padded jacket on. Not that it was far to walk.

Wheezy

I was really wheezy this morning. Though it was just that I was a bit blocked and my muscles were moving. I knew that I hadn't got an infection. I'd realised that over the past few days because even though there was a lot of pain it was pain I recognised. Just magnified by the effects of the cold.

I can't do very much at the moment. I'm tired. I've slept well over the last two nights though. I only take 5mls of oramorph with my night time paracetamol but it seems to make a difference. I take the slow release MST tablet too as usual.

Go out for a short walk soon.

I've got my painting now but not the prints. It's nice and says to ***** on it. Something really nice to take back with me along with the other painting and the few prints I do have. I'd still like a few more to take back. Another one of the prints is going off as a present very soon.

Consilio

One of the things I did in Birmingham yesterday was take back my Consilio boxes. I'd discovered that although the lecture packs were sealed they actually had no discs in them. I decided while I was there to go for the study packs rather than just the lectures. It's good value. The lectures are 20 for £19.95 and with the study packs for around an extra £20 you get a text book and question and answer book on the disc too.

I spoke to Mr Semple Piggot from Consilio, hope I've remembered ur name properly, a few years ago and I found him very helpful and informative. Infact it was his willingness to explain things and talk that has stuck in my mind. He really seemed interested in what people were doing and what they thought about things. I've heard that Consilio do have a good reputation for helping their students through their law degrees with London University's external programme.

I've heard a few of the lectures before when they came in the green or blue boxes with a few accompanying notes but I haven't seen the text books and question and answer books.

I was wondering though if there was some connection between Consilio and those yellow LLB text books that were published many years ago cause they were very good. Everything was so well and simply explained. I actually found some in the street. A firm was clearing out a lot of it's old law materials and I spotted them and went in and asked if they minded if I took them and they said that was fine and amongst them were these yellow law books for the LLB and I was just amazed at how good they were.

It'd be good to have a selection of books as well to read alongside but these books were so excellent at putting things in a way that was easy to understand and at getting all the facts together in the right place. There were also little revision booklets too that were good.

I just hadn't read them before.

It's things like that which stick in your mind though isn't it. When someone really makes an effort or something is really good.

Flipping heck!!!!

Well, grapefruit juice is certainly off the menu now too. My tum certainly didn't like that.

So........

I'd been moping about someone I know. They'd said something and I wasn't quite sure if I'd understood what they'd said properly.

I hadn't sorted it out while we were talking either. I think, partially as a result of some of the things that I'd been sorting out in my head yesterday, I called them this evening and it was fine.

Yesterday

I guess yesterday was pretty much what you made of it. To me it was just ideas bouncing around but because I could just sit there and think rather than having to interact and talk I guess I was able to sort some things out that people'd been talking to me about. Just thinking about them while someone else was giving their views. It was kind of different just listening and thinking rather than talking about things.


I was going out again this evening but I had to go into Birmingham and I'm much too tired and achy to go out again.

Up etc.

Up, more or less medicated. Fed and watered.

No sleep? No new brain cells?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6347043.stm


Guess who took her oramorph before turning in last night.

Late dinner tonight then.

Yeah!!!!!

Well, I've got to eat to sort my health out haven't I? And I've stuck to the healthy eating thing. I guess the occasional bar of chocolate won't do any harm. But, no more than that.

Twirls.

(um .. not really .. sigh)

Rests.

It's just balancing it right. I was advised in hospital not to eat too much extra protein because it would put a strain on my kidneys but to make sure that I was eating enough to do the usual day to day repairs plus a little extra to repair the damage done over the past year or so.

I mustn't eat a sugary diet because of the steroids.

And, today, I bought some green tea. Well, this healthy living thing is for real. Guess I'm lucky that a lot of people I know are into that kind of thing and know quite a lot about it. I do myself too.

And, no, I haven't been doing much in the way of meditation or exercises in the last few days. I just have not been feeling like it. Though there've been short meditations using a mantra. Feeling the relaxation is cool. Especially when you're feeling really unwell and you can ease that to a certain extent.

Back

It wasn't really what I was expecting. But, whatever, it gave me quite a lot to think about on a philosophical level. I'd spoken to people about it before I went and had expected more of a dialogue than a monologue. We were given the opportunity to ask a few questions but it was still far from what I'd expected.

I'd run there in a few 30 second bursts when I found a non icy patch, not that there were many, and, spent the first ten minutes after I got there being a bit raspy. But, I guess I got my lungs working a bit better because once the raspy breathing quietened down I found I was breathing a lot easier. The cold has tightened my muscles up. My doctor in London said when I once complained of stiffness from a cold that it could be to do with the virus causing muscle spasms.

The evening was what I chose to make of it. How I responded to the ideas I heard. There was a lot of good stuff there, though one thing that I disagreed with totally. But it was good to work out why I disagreed.

As I said it wasn't what I expected and there was an element of disappointment which disappeared when I realised that I was interested in some of the ideas that were being put forward. It would've been nice to have had a recording of the evening to mull some of it over because some of what was said was worth thinking about, especially the political side. Can't remember it all in detail, though I can a fair bit of it.

I missed the music. There was a young guy there who played a variety of flute type instruments. Some of the instruments were new to me and I'd've loved to have heard him play. I bought a cd though I've no idea what it's going to be like.

I thought it started at 7.30. But that was the talking!!!! I had to move myself pretty quickly to get there though it's only a ten minute walk away at the most. But, any chance to be late for something ... well, you know!!!! Or, more to the point I guess, to burst through the doors with a few seconds to go.

This evening wasn't the evening to do this though. Rasp, rasp, rasp. I was careful on the way there though, watched my step and only attempted a slight and very short "run" on grass or where there was definitely no ice.

The evening wasn't what I'd been expecting and there was a disappointment but once I changed the way I was viewing things and dropped my hopes and preconceptions it was interesting.

The speaker did go back to alter what she'd said to some degree where I'd disagreed so maybe there were second thoughts.

I think it was a good evening for me though very different from what I'd hoped in advance.

Nasty cold

It caused problems with my left hand side again and added loads of aches and pains to the pain caused by the other illnesses.

I guess I should've known I'd be rather fragile after just coming out of hospital. Anyway I took a little oramorph in the early hours with the two paracetamol I hadn't taken before going to sleep and that helped a bit. Someone said that's what it's prescribed for so use it when you need it. I guess the early hours are a good time. I don't take it during the day because I take other pain relief then and it's generally ok by midday.

Thinking back to how great they were up on Beaumont Ward. When I was in a lot of pain the nurses would be there to the minute almost for my next dose and would speak to a doctor during the night about it if need be. They were just so brilliant.

I had two teams there as well, the dermatology and surgical teams. Both excellent.

As were the A & E people.

And the food's good too. There were people discussing it when I first arrived again and wondering about receipes. I wasn't in that section for long though as I was moved down to the observation section near the nurses desk very soon after arriving.

The soup!!!! The porridge!!!! My favourites. And pottering down to the canteen or cafe when you could be up and about again, next door to each other, you could get a very nice drink of hot chocolate during the day. And at night there was hot chocolate or Ovaltine in the night time selection the nurses brought round.

Also, at around three in the afternoon, people would bring around a selection of fruit or biscuits, a small pack of cheese ritz sandwich biscuits or jaffa cakes and things like that, to go with a cup of tea or coffee.

I suppose I have to expect things to be rather difficult. My tum's been sore but I haven't been sick again and my nasal passages, though sore, seem to be healing because they're not doing some of the things they did in the early days of my illness.

Not a good night

Partially because I'd let my pain relief slip over the last couple of days. I'd taken the rest of me medication but had left some of the pain relief out so when this cold went into really achy muscles as well as the stuff from the other illness I didn't have the build up of pain relief to cope with it.

But, regardless of coughs and sneezing I haven't been sick. I haven't tried climbing stairs after meals again. Sorting that out is just what I don't need right now. Obviously having procedures in ur tum are going to leave it upset for a while especially as it'd been so fragile before. But, having said that, the last day and a bit when I've sneezed a little and coughed haven't made me sick which I usually was after leaving hospital the first time. If I had been I guess I'd be heading back again.

Just been resting today really.

I'm tired

I'm tired this evening which I suppose isn't that surprising. Tummy's a bit queasy but I've not been sick. I was thinking of going up to the pub for a drink of chocolate and a small bowl of chips but I wasn't well enough.

Got some groceries in though. I bought an air scented thing too which is wafting a bit of lavender scent around the flat .. better than Dettol.

I'm not really that sceptical. It does get me a bit when I'm feeling tired and ill though. I'm pleased to say that there are meetings around where I'll be living. We were talking about the Unitarians on one of the boards I'm on and on another I think other people go to their meetings. Can't remember what I read now. I think they may be mainly based in the US though.

I need to go and get some sleep I think too. I just feel so tired.

I'm going to do dinner now and then rest.

Oh well

Got a cold. Was sneezing last night but surprizingly me tum didn't join in which is a first for some time. I was worried as to be honest I wasn't looking forward to another few hours of bowls, cloths and dettol.

Just taken some Gaviscon which I hope will take care of some of the tummy gurgling. I'm not allowed to take it with my other medication so I had to wait for a while. I think it can inhibit absorbtion.

Nor am I as blocked up as I have been with the last few colds which might mean that my nasal passages are healing too. That was not nice!!!

Breakfast .. a nice healthy bowl of muesli and soya milk with some fruit. This isn't a nice illness to navigate and I'm being more careful now. Vitamin pill as well, though not with breakfast as one of the leaflets with my pills mentions a query with vitamin B6 and I just take that pill with breakfast . I expect that's just to do with taking larger doses. I just take a multi vit with the recommended RDA in it which I think should be ok, though I'll ask.

Will probably be moving back to porridge soon. You know they say porridge helps stabilise moods, I guess because of the way it's nutrients are released into the blood stream. No sudden ups and downs. Just at the moment I don't feel like cooking first thing in the morning though. The hospital porridge was nice though. Preferred it without the extra milk.

A difficult time?

Yeah, I know I've a difficult time a head of me with the illness and it's complications but things aren't too bad.

The guy I was speaking to in Brum said his mum had been left really uncomfortable from her medical procedures. The camera down the throat through into my stomach and what followed has left me feeling numb more than anything. And, I've been sick again, but I think that's a combination of bug and me tum. Well, my tum's giving me problems but my throat is some what numb most of the time. It feels strange.

This morning wasn't good but it's not so bad now.

Christmas pressies (late again!!)

Well, me brother's certainly getting a nicer Christmas present than he would've if I'd got it on time (puts the lovely purple swiss roll soap and make yer own towel by dropping this thing in water away fer later). I just had that and thought it'd do as I wasn't sure what to get but today I decided. He likes Steve Earle too so a bio dvd will be fine.

I said it'd be nice to get a late present when I felt well enough to get it sorted. Dunno why I couldn't make my mind up what to get him but there you go it's all worked out well. Just hope he's ok. Should cheer him up anyway.

Bird flu and global warming

Two of the topics I used to blog about a lot when I first came on to the blogosphere. Reading and discussing what was put out in print. Now that I'm getting ready to leave .. I hope within the next four to five weeks .. the two topics are back in the headlines and much nearer to home.
Iraq too.

Ofcourse I ended up with other things on my mind and to research. On one topic, my comment is having found out a lot .. Me and George Harrison both then? Wonder how he'd've fared. And ofcourse a bit more!!!!

As for the illness .. well, we'll see how that goes. Only time will tell.

Tonight I'm doing dinner, doing some more tidying in preparation for leaving, and ofcourse being on the phone a while to various people and popping over to me boards to say hi. Then sleep I hope.

Con artists

I'm talking about some people who advertise in the media. I guess a lot of us are curious. I've been disappointed more than pleased with the results of phoning up phone psychics though have met four or five people that have really given me a lot to think about.

I'm aware that the people I see are part of a religious group but don't mind that I'm not and they have certainly given me something to think about along these lines.

Those extra commas

Don't know if I should bother to come back in to edit them when I notice they're springing up all over the place. Ya know where they're meant to be.

And as for the rest perhaps it's just that I'm tired and ill and perhaps my skepticism is born out of running into people who really are con artists but on the other hand there has been so much that takes it completely the other way where there could be no chance of anything like that.

My brother

I was talking to my brother last night and thought that he didn't sound very well. Hopefully it's just a passing thing. I'm a bit worried after what I was told a couple of weeks ago though. I'll talk to him again soon.

He's pretty good in a lot of ways as I've got to know just about everything I wanted about some things that were bugging me. Maybe he's just tired too but something wasn't quite right.

Feeling better

I'm starting to feel a little better too. Headache seems to be on it's way out and my stomach's a bit more settled. I guess I'm going to have tum problems for a while yet til things've settled down a bit from me last hospital stay.

I dunno

Perhaps it's me. It doesn't seem to matter what happens I still go through these very sceptical periods and have been for the past few weeks again.

Yesterday evening there was another slight coincidence while the lady was talking to the person infront of me who couldn't relate to what was being said at all. It's happened before when I didn't put my hand up about something that was said. This time the lady said she was drawn to our area but I said nought though I was wearing my new pink rose bracelet and could id with what was being said. I'd just got there and was a bit surprised that the attention suddenly went over to our side of the hall. The lady was looking at me afterwards so maybe I should've said something.

I'm not one for pink things on the whole but had decided to wear this after changing it a few times. They were talking about pink roses. It has a pink tulip and butterfly charm on it which I hadn't been aware of when I bought it so I was quite pleased that I'd decided to wear it .. but the main part of the bracelet is pink roses. OK, I could id with the lot, the person being described and the things about legal matters and hospital. Maybe I should've gone to talk to the lady afterwards. I just felt tired and probably looked it too and she was speaking to the person infront of me who was lost about it all.

I'm afraid I'm in one of my sceptical phases though. Well, sort of. Possibly because things keep on going on round one issue that I don't understand at all.

Spirit needs to lay it's cards out on the table so to speak cause I sure don't understand what it could be about ... if anything.

I went out for a short walk along the common up to the sports centre late yesterday afternoon then went up to the pub by the golf course and sat for a while with a mug of hot chocolate and watched the football. Used to go up there occasionally to work, before I became very ill, and would sit outside with me diet Pepsi and a small bowl of chips and tomato sauce. Lovely place.

Went back to the flat and then went off to the last part of the Sunday meeting. I wasn't there for long but it seemed to be one of those evenings that just didn't take off and the atmosphere was flat. It sometimes goes that way. Stayed for a while afterwards and chatted a bit which was cool and bought a ticket for an event later this week.

Came back and discovered again that I mustn't climb ANY stairs soon after eating, not even the few in this flat, or at least not while I've got this chill, because it just upsets my tum and voila ........ clearing up to do and the dettol bottle out. Poor tum just needs time to recover.

Woke up with a bit of a headache this morning, the chill again, but time and pain relief has made that better.

Just taking it easy today.

Done it.

Changed me siggy and added Stop de haat underneath as well just to clarify things as the quote is just a short quote.

Tired Out

I woke up this morning to find I was trembling a little just like I was before me last hospital admission but there's been none of the sort of pain I was getting, though I was sick last night. It's the cold just playing up some of my symptoms a little but I'm ok. So, therefore, me treatment's worked I guess. I'm a bit windy too, have been for a while, gurgle, gurgle, gurgle, but then my tummy's had a bit of a shock and will take a while to recover.

I'm real tired though. I haven't listened to my lectures .. EC Law and Public Law nor watched my Steve Earle dvds. Too tired right now. Too sleepy to even change my Ezboard siggy to the Steve Earle quote on the front of the bio dvd. Well, I could've I suppose as I told people I was gonna change my quote from Eddy Grant to Steve Earle but it meant going to get the dvd and I just felt too sleepy.

Perhaps I'll do it now.

Then gonna tidy up a bit and potter off to get the papers and food.

Birmingham

Went into Birmingham late this afternoon. It was a sort of spur of the moment thing. I'd been talking about going but didn't really think I would but this afternoon I just decided to go. I was fine there, though glad I'd left it late cause it meant I wasn't out too long.

I didn't get what I went for which was actually quite important but somehow got lost in the acquisition of two Consilio lecture dvds and a couple of Steve Earle dvds. There you go!!!!

Consilio are a firm who provide law tuition mainly I believe to go with London University's long distance law degrees.

I must say they've expanded their range since I last looked and are now including text books and question and answer dvds as well as the lecture and note ones that I knew about.

I spoke to a guy there who practices in property and contract. We talked a little about the fixed representation fee. He was saying too that his interest had changed since he'd been studying. Also his mum had just been in hospital and'd had a little camera looking round her insides too. She's had a chest infection that she's been having trouble shaking off. Different from my problems though I was having a little lung trouble on my walk back but that was because I'd taken work out with me and on the walk back from the station I was tired and my bag felt heavy.

I'm still very grateful to the hospital. I was so well looked after there. The care was excellent. I noticed that things had changed a bit. It wasn't just the bottles of hand rub at the ends of the beds. The saline drips were in rectangular bottles rather than the bags that were used a few months earlier .. I hit myself on the head when unhooking one of these bottles from the drip stand on the top of me bed. No damage done!!!!!! Also we had socks to wear to help prevent blood clots and were given medicine every evening to thin the blood for the same reason which was new too.

I've got a slight chill I think at the moment. Nothing too bad but it's interupting my sleep a little and I've slightly wet eyes in the morning and I'm a little bit sniffly. Just going to get dinner then turn in and try and get some rest. The day's energised me a bit but it seems I'm not very talkative this evening.

I'm tired from my day.

I need sleep.

Afternoon

Up, fed, and medicated.

A bit sniffley this morning but not too bad now.

Thursday ...........

Was asleep almost as soon as my head touched the pillow last night. First time since I've been out of hospital. Slept through the night and woke to the sound of the early morning traffic. I wondered if they were delivering or something to start off with but I'd slept through the night and it was just the usual traffic.

I'm still tired but I guess really it'd be rather strange if I wasn't.

I've eaten and just taking some pain relief. I've been advised not to take ibuprofen so my pain relief has changed a bit. Done the rest of my medication until this evening.