Yeah

Well, spent most of today indoors. This is where I looked after my mum before she became too ill for me to manage by myself and had to go into a home. Then I used to go over there to be with her.

Someone asked me if I would've given up my time if I knew how ill I was becoming myself. I really don't know. I've no idea whatsoever. I'm not going to pretend I have. It would've been a difficult decision. I'd've worked something out because I wouldn't have left her to go through what she did virtually alone.

I still feel sad that she was developing Lewy Body's dementia because of the Parkinson's Disease before I got a chance to talk to her by herself. There were so many things that didn't match up. I know she had a hard time. I had a bad childhood and I suppose it was a good thing that I was sent away to boarding school. The school wasn't bad really .. where else would I have learnt about Greek dancing .. the two women who ran it were free spirits of the 1920s I presume!!!! I was a spirit from Pandora's Box, a lotus blossom from Odysseus's travels. One of the school lawns had a weeping willow tree which was just right for us all to dance out from.

I went back a few years ago to look around. Climbed the steep hill up to the school but I didn't go in. I suppose I should've done. Most of all I'd've liked to've known if they knew how Jane and Rosemary got on. We lost touch and they were local girls so they might've visited the school.

It's from a bygone era. I remember going to Elizabeth's the tea shop with my aunt when she came to take me out on visiting day. We had tea and scones. And Sophie from Nigeria used to come with us while she was there because she had no relatives in this country to go out with. She gave me her teddy bear when she left.

Yeah. It was a good thing that I went away to school. The memories will've been better than if I'd stayed at home for those years.

I'd always hoped that I'd be able to talk to mum once she was alone and get to understand some of what went on. But that wasn't how it was to be.