Just a little ......

Sorting out my little pink pill mouthwash. I'm not sure about the chamomille ointment by itself though it's consistency is great as a sort of ointment that makes using the others easier, it's now easier to put a THIN layer of the steroid cream on. Well, easier to control how much of the stuff I use because it's not sticking and blobbing in a way that makes it difficult to use.

I used the mouthwash first and made sure my lips got a coating of it and then a very thin layer of the chamomille ointment with a thin layer of my steroid cream which'll be mixed in with it as I dabbed it on.

You have to use these creams very thinly but it proved a problem with this condition before. The chamomille ointment makes it possible to control how much I use better. And using the mouthwash first and leaving for a little while makes sure that I get the steroids. Think I'll use that twice a day on my lips as well as in my mouth. And then just a very thin coating of the steroid ointment once a day.

I think that should deliver the amount I'm meant to have. The steroid cream and mouthwash are the same product.

Chamomille ointment

Been up fer a while and fed and medicated. Using some new cream on my lips which is good stuff. Chamomille, and it smooths on with out being too sticky and gungy. There's much more to healing than that but this is nice stuff. Helps with using the steroid cream too because it goes on so easily.

Suppose I better get a move on.

Metaphorically bangs head ........

Metaphorically bangs head on computer.

Oh, no!!!!!!!!!

She's back by the back door so to speak sympathetically offering support and advice to someone else having a tough time.

Ya really do have to be careful out there.

Dear 'bag people ......

I met this woman on the net. She was very nice, very funny and we shared a love of music, art and creative things. We became friends. Then things started to go a bit strange. I noticed that she was making some rather strange cryptic remarks now and then which seemed a bit at odds with what she usually said. But, generally, she was still this really nice, funny person.

She'd had a spot of trouble which she was supported through. She was really friendly. Hugs 'n' kisses flying around but things seemed to be getting a bit strange. Yet, on the other hand, she was still there giving support to people. Then we reached a patch where me emails weren't being replied to even though some of them were important reguarding specific things. Apparently she's a bit forgetful.

I was told I was her best friend. Hmmmm. I became very ill and had to go into hospital where things got rather painful and I had a week where things were pretty dreadful all round. On a drip and in a lot of pain. She vanished. I was ignored, not a word.

I was in hospital for around a month and she didn't reply to me or contact me once. I had one of those media centre things over me bed to use in hospital. And me phone.

Some time later when it was obvious that I was getting over me stay in hospital she got back in touch, offering me something I'd like which I couldn't just go out the door and pick up. I refused but as time went on relaxed a bit. Didn't accept the gift but talked to her again.

The strange remarks were still going on. It's like, man, she was filled with so many grudges. But, she'd also say things that contradicted them totally. She seemed to hate a lot of people for reasons like they'd gone on to futher education, they were creative, they hadn't gone on to further education, they had money, they didn't have money. She was pulling her husband's hobbies to bits. I thought she shared them. And his friends.

But also contradicting herself all over the place.

I had to go back into hospital. In a lot of pain. A different, though related problem, which was sorted out. She didn't vanish this time.

I came out and kept things as much they had been. She seemed to relax and people relented a bit. Then me illness went into another phase. In some ways I'm improving but another problem presented itself. And she turned nasty.

Found out that she'd been playing games with people. Contacting them and talking about things that were putting them down. Just trying to undermine people's confidence (totally). And trying to break up our friendships.

Actually, I know what to do. She's being ignored and just kept a bit of an eye on as far as people who don't know what's been going on goes.

Nah. Don't need to ask about it really.

Somewhere on the planet

Yeah, she's gone. Just some anonymous person in some country somewhere in the world who I met somewhere on the web.

She'll probably be back. Sound like I'm on a relationships forum now, don't I? Never mind I can give meself the advice here. Or, I could rush over and post on the bag or one of the many affiliated message boards. But, I know everyone will give the same sort of advice I'll give meself in one way or another.

They'll probably be more blunt than me though!!!

I think just ignoring her is the way to go.

Escaping domestic violence

Reading this carries on from a recent post. The play out seems much the same as trying to control goes.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/north_east/6499685.stm

And, me health.

I know I've got to try and get some of my puffiness down too. Was a bit swollen when I woke up this morning, more than I expected to be. But it's going down again now. I can move the muscles around more and that's the sign.

Rest, health eating, drinking enough water, meditating and doing my exercises is the way to go there.

And making keeping in contact with me friends and things like that.

I'm taking arnica tto at the moment. It's a homeopathic remedy for bruising and I'm bruising easily again so I'll give it a go. I remember it cause some sports coaches used to use it.

Fresh air

Window sill cleaned, window open to let a little fresh air in. Sink in bathroom unblocked. The water was running out slowly, probably started from a build up of hair when I was losing more per day than usual when I first started on some of the medication. Said it'd take 15 mins to sort it out and it did.

Gonna spend a bit more time on it today. Still haven't sorted the papers out. Peers out from behind big pile!!! Time to get it done!!!!

Bit sleepy.

Up latish (last night). Up earlish this morning. Was up around 9, breakfasted and medicated and just getting the last of the second dose of pain relief sorted out. I'm tired this morning but am ok.

Soon be doing a little more sorting out.

She's gone ............

Oh, and I found out more about what the person'd been doing last night. Give me strength. She's been planning all this, running everyone down all over the place. Playing games with people as if they were pawns on a chess board. It seems that she'd decided that I had to be totally discredited early this year because I'd worked out too much about her.

Making friends with people then ditching them and then accusing them of not being there for her to other people. Apparently she also hates philanthropists and people who give to charity too. Well, if they've got more money than she has. Well, if she's trying to get to people to put them down. This is all said to them in private ofcourse while she's running them down to other people. and saying the opposite to other people about how she feels about, in this case, charity.

She's enjoying herself playing games of emotional sabotage.

She has a nice job. I'd noticed that things seemed to've taken a turn for the worse when she got it. The arrogance levels rose. She'd been saying how much she loved it but last night I found out that other people thought she hated it. She'd also been running down the lovely friend she'd made there. Well, we'd been told she was lovely.

She obviously doesn't empathise or see people as anything but pawns for her to play with. The net gives her plenty of scope for this but it's obviously boomeranging back into her off line life too.

She appears to be heading for the religious/new age community now. A bit like one of these ministers you hear about in the States who is caught embezzling funds and with half a dozen women on the go who his wife knows nothing about. She ofcourse has been vocal about people like that.

She is hoping to do some kind of therapy work from what we can make out. And, she's started promoting herself as someone who's only interest in life almost is wanting to be there for and heal other people.

Just like she was there for me, eh. Guess she decided when I went in and things looked bad that I just wasn't worth bothering with any more. Also, I guess, I had to be given a bit of grief for becoming so ill and so not being able to deliver what she wanted.

It seems that you mustn't disagree with her about anything either.

At the moment she's working on discrediting her partner's friends in his eyes. I guess isolation is the name of the game there. I thought it was some kind of paranoia to start off with because of the business he's in but it seems not. He's a real nice person from what I know, fun, friendly, and faithful. The three fs. And, I'll add another one, family orientated too.

I went out for a walk latish yesterday evening and came back to find a lot of this out.

I have to say I've met some nice people on the net, she isn't one of them. You really do have to be very careful.

Bit like the other one who was banned while I was in hospital.

Up early

Up earlier this morning. Been up since 7ish which is a good thing. I don't feel too bad in myself though I still have the same old problems. Had to phone St Thomas up this morning and tell them how things are. I'm going to write that out in a few days for them. I have a few days to go before my next appointment here. I hope things will be clearer by then. I wasn't so swollen when I woke this morning either. It'll be easier to decide where to go from here once what's happening there is clearer.

Taken some of my medication, getting the rest sorted out now and going to do breakfast.

And then do some sorting out. Getting up earlier means I can take the medication earlier, the pain is resolved more by the second dose, and I can get on with things.

************

More or less medicated and about to sort out some food. I've still got a bit of a cold but it isn't affecting me that badly.

Was thinking about THAT woman before I got up this morning. I realised she was just a seething mass of vindictiveness and jealousy. She hated people who'd gone on to higher education, artistic people who had or hadn't, people with money, people without money, her husbands hobbies, people who like his work, men, and it seems, women too. Guess, just about everyone.

All this hidden in a picture of alternate hip hippiness.

I guess she's hoping that she can cause more trouble and upset people. Think she's probably hoping that I'll explode and that she can run around saying look what she said. Sorry, luv, it's not going to happen. I've more sense than that. We're just poddling on.

From what I understand she's trying to sow seeds of doubt in her partner's mind about a couple of his collegues/friends at the moment. Classic, huh?!!

I was wondering if she was just becoming ill, she was so funny and nice to start off with, but I've realised that the shit towards me really started when I disagreed with something she'd said.

Must be fun at home.

She was quite like the other one who got banned. All sweetness and light for a while but there was something else bubbling away underneath.

Quick post

It seems my puffiness might be going down. Well, today it must've been the least since I started on the steroid sparing tablets. I kept on with six steroids for a couple of weeks after I was prescribed the steroid sparing tablets and my steroids were cut down to four so there was time to see the difference. It's gone back up again slightly this evening but I'm still not as swollen as I have been. I guess there must've been a reaction between the two tablets for there to be this difference now because usually it's the steroids that cause this side effect. I was very puffy a couple of nights ago but I guess that was down to the cold I've got.

I guess it's interesting for the doctors to see this kind of thing because the illness isn't a very common one.

I've been very lucky not to've developed any bacterial infections too with the problems this illness causes. I mean the possibilities are there all the time for that to happen but it appears though my immune system's gone a bit haywire the part of it is very strong indeed for fighting that kind of infection. Just as well I guess.

I keep on thinking of that little girl who has a similar illness to this. How brave.

Walked up to Sainsburys today. The walks aren't exhausting me like they were. A walk up there would knock me out for a couple of days until recently. My toe's still not that good though.

Didn't sleep well last night. Think it was down to me cold. Do me mouth and better get off and try and get some sleep.

Up late and late up.

Was up late last night as my cold was keeping me awake. Got to sleep eventually and slept well. Up, partially fed but done my medication. About to dive into my soya protein drink which I'd left out while I was coming down with this cold.

Better start making me list of questions for me doc and writing out a report of how things have been. This is just a week to see where I am with the medication and to think and procede from there. Ofcourse I wish that we could rush things and get them sorted right now but I know that really this time of observation is the right way to go.

Better get on with it all I guess.

.....

But not the one after .. see I'm missing an i. It's just the way I've got the keyboard balanced I think.

e3e3e3e3e3e

Don't seem to be that comfortable with this keyboard either. It's added on to my laptop til I can get the it mended. I find I type two letters together or the space bar doesn't space. See I should go back and correct a couple of days. I catch most of it but not all. I'm finding typing with one finger easier too though I might go back to trying with all of them again. Well, just have and it's been ok for that sentence. Whoops just added a 3 caught with the e. It's probably the way I've got it balanced I suppose rather than the keyboard.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Yes, I've a cold. Slept very well last night though, longer than I'd expected to, guess I must've slept for about 11 hours. Probably recovering from the day. I spent the day wondering if I should phone the hospital/my doctor but as it turned out things worked out themselves.

Been chatting since I got up on phone and boards. And fed and medicated

What should you be doing now?

Yup, gets up and potters off.

Time to turn in

Very sleepy again and soon off to bed. I think some of my swelling's gone down some today. I noticed after coming back from my walk that I seemed slightly less puffy. I'm still taking 4 steroid tablets and it's the steroids rather than the steroid sparing tablets that usually cause the puffiness I'm told. Maybe it's something to do with my cold.

I did some of my exercises late this afternoon. Wasn't well enough to do much earlier on in the day. Just gentle stretching ones. First time I've really felt like doing anything like that for a long time.

Went out for a walk.. It was slightly damp out there but pleasant. And a whole 6 degrees warmer than the evening before but it didn't feel it and I guess that's because of the dampness in the air. A really pleasant evening though.

Message boards

Heavens. I thought that I posted on a lot of message boards but I keep on meeting people who post on a lot more. I guess I spend a lot of time reading around the net while they stick to a few sites. Haven't really thought to ask. I guess because about a millions things pop into my mind to talk about before that. And their's as well.

Just found it interesting that some people do travel around and post on so many boards. There's a couple more I'd quite like to post on but I think I've enough going on for now. It takes up quite a lot of time. There're lots of interesting boards out there.

Anyway, time I was off out for my daily walk. Wish it'd been earlier but there you go. At the moment getting to sleep earlier and getting up earlier is what I'm aiming at.

Internet security

The woman talked about safety on the internet which I said a little bit about a day or so ago. I think most people realise that there are quite a few people out there hiding behind the anonymity the net gives people.

The woman I spoke about didn't cause me any grief really. She annoyed me but I'd realised that something was up so it wasn't as if I wasn't prepared. Same as IRL.

It's been left in quite a good way too with her having to contact me. Well, she thinks I'll contact her first ... but I won't. She doesn't read this blog so I'm not giving anything away. I think this is the end anyway. It's a shame because she actually was really funny but had this side to her personality where she just liked to try and mess up people's confidence and things like that.

It's crazy watching the games people like her play. All that effort and I can get on with things while she's wasting her time mulling all this over (I presume).

Seriously, there're a lot of people like that on the net just as there are IRL. It's not as if it's a secret is it. There's enough written about it and talked about on the TV and radio.

20 2 6

Well, feeling better now. Took the whole day though. On the bright side ... maybe I needed the rest. Was on the phone to someone and the first thing they said was You're heavy with cold. So maybe I am, just don't feel like I am cause I'm not coughing and sneezing .... like they were through the whole phone call.

Didn't get out to do what I wanted to do though. The chemist doesn't matter as that's cleared up even though it took the whole day but I would've liked to've got the other thing sorted out. Just one of those things.

On the bright side, the pain down me right hand side has eased quite a bit and me foot's not too bad.

And I guess I have reasons to be cheerful.

Off to the chemist

I got up quite early today but have ended up having quite a slow day because of another little health problem, This one can just be filed under one of those things as I guess it should be sorted pretty quickly though it is rather annoying. Prepares to potter off to the chemist soon.

The problem with my lips is to do with my illness. I'd been watching and at last something's happened which makes that clear. I thought so yesterday but today I'm sure. It's strange because I'm starting to feel so much better. Still, there you go. Guess it'll all get sorted out eventually.

Did some clearing out yesterday evening but today I've just had to sit round.

Better make a move I guess. Go the chemist.

Half an hour left

And then to bed and hopefully up around eight. I'm quite sleepy tonight so hopefully I'll get to sleep soon after doing me relaxation. No exercises cause that'd just wake me up when I'm meant to be slowing down. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Was going to write a lot more but I'm actually very sleepy and getting sleepiezzzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

So, there'll be no staying up late tonight .. no point .. cause I'd just go to sleep here.

8.30!!!

Got up around 8.30 this morning which is better. Taken my second dose of pain relief so I guess I better phone me doc and start thinking about pottering out. Then sort a bit out here.

On the net

And as fer the other problem. It just goes to show ... you have to be careful on the net. We have a thread about this on another board I sometimes pop in to. Haven't posted about it because everyone feels much the same. Don't give too much away until you're pretty sure of them which for these people seems a couple of years down the line generally.

(Only another 20 or so months to go there then!!!)

I just talk about what I'm comfortable with.


And now I'm off to get some sleep.

Early night then.

Be in bed earlish tonight and just try and get things right again. Early to bed and early to rise. I'll be sorting out more of the flat tomorrow. Getting up early means I can take my first dose of pain relief early and the second one more or less where I would be taking the first if I got up later. Then I can get down to things.

Not sure whether to take this computer in for repairs either. I just use it for surfing and do everything else on the one that works properly but I think I'll wait til I'm back in town. Shouldn't be long now.

Getting up earlier will mean I can get more done though.

Better go and put dinner on then hadn't I..

Done.

I've still got a bit of a cold but I'm not feeling too bad all things considered. My side is painful, but the muscles there are moving but are still very stiff. Guess they are going to be painful for a while. I'd hoped that the pain would go quickly but I guess it hasn't because the muscles are still a bit rigid. But at least they're moving better. Don't know why it's just there but still. Hope it clears up soon. I mean there's more movement generally but the pain's just down that side.

I do my relaxation exercises before going to sleep now. And I mix a mantra style meditation in with the relaxation while I'm just relaxing.

Guess I should start doing some very gentle yoga exercises too as my muscles are more mobile. Just little stretching ones. Do those in the morning.

Up, fed and medicated etc. And in a bit of a rush.

Deja vu

In reference to someone who I mentioned before sometime ago, and it does all seem to be happening at once, she tried again. But, this time she was being watched though given a chance.

And she blew it the day before something was coming up that she'd've liked to be part of very much.

I mean she was playing the same ol', same ol'

And we were thinking ... Hmmmmmmmm

Then she pulled what for her must've seemed like the big one

The day before I found out that I was probably, obviously depends on me health, going to do something that she'd be really interested in and would've been able to help with I guess.

And by playing her games totally blew it. If only, from her point of view, she'd just held off another day.

I'm talking about the person who walked out on me when I was taken to hospital the first time.

I don't know what it is with this woman she's got a life most people would be happy with.

As for the others, as I mentioned them a couple of days or so ago. Someone is feeling a bit happier. And it took me a couple of days to kind of process me little problemo through my brain. I'm a way away it'll be harder for those more involved I guess. This is something that's left people a bit perplexed.

Well, better get on and phone Dr Taibjee. Though I'm hoping things are improving. I'll do me meditation, relaxation exercises and the gentle suppleness ones a bit later on.

Getting ready just takes longer every day

I feel asleep immediately. And slept for 10 hours. Woke up to find most of my mouth still intact probably because there's more covering now though it was obvious that I'd had my arm there again.

I know how to gently remove the blood now thanks to the pharmacist and I know of a few things that have helped other people when they've had a similar problem ,though not with my illness. There is a minor form of this illness which is caused by a skin reaction rather than an immune system illness and this can cause the same symptoms though usually just in the mouth.

Anyway I have some suggestions of things to try.

Me foot's not so painful now though me side is giving me a bit of trouble but it's the sort of trouble that the pain relief can deal with reasonably well. And it was worse yesterday. Reminds me a bit of cracked rib time at it's worst.

After the pain relief has settled in I'll massage it a little and do some deep breathing exercises to just gently stretch it out.

Better phone me doc now.

Had breakfast and am ready fer what's left of the day.

relaxation

Well apart from me lips which are having problems, not least because I found myself not being too careful when I woke up. And me side but I won't complain about that because it's down to a muscle moving that had stiffened up on that side. It's painful but it will clear up. I should just be grateful that this is happening now.

I've loads of advice on what I could try from people who've had vaguely similar problems but without the illness I've got complicating things. It's worth a try. And some advice from a pharmacist which I'll try now I've got the right ingredients. I will try and I'm phoning Dr Taibgee tomorrow. I might have to have my steroids increased possibly. I'm not on a very high dose so it's a possibility.

Apart from that I do feel better in myself. I mean the pain's still there but I've been more active and much more chatty over the last four or so days.

I have got a cold. Though me nose seems to've dried up a bit too so maybe ....................

I better be off to bed.

I'll do me relaxation exercises and a little meditation mantra style once I've tensed and released me muscles and counted myself down .. I'm feeling more and more relaxed etc. 9 Every mucle in my body is feeling heavy 8 Feeling heavier and heavier, more and more relaxed.

Well. the book was called Self Hypnosis.

7 Heavier and heavier

6 You are feeling more and more relaxed

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Wake up everyone

Ur not meant to go t'sleep


Are they Mr Ousby

We're counting down to relaxation

5 deeper and deeper.

I can't remember word for word what he said but that's what we did.

And then when you've got down to 1 you can spend time in a state of relaxation.

When you want to leave that state of relaxation you slowly count yourself out of it by slowly counting from 10 to 1

The tensing and releasing exercises are done lying down and they are the general tightening and releasing exercises. Tightening muscles and then letting them relax. Like raising your shoulders up towards your ears, holding for a count of five or whatever suits you the best and slowly releasing them. Stretching out your arms muscles and slowly relaxing them etc.

And now I must potter off.

Up ........ etc

Someone asked me why I wasn't scared. After all this illness isn't very pleasant. But how can I be scared? I'd like to get better but there's no fear. The last few months have seen to that.

I know I have to start looking after myself better. It's rather annoying I guess that a cold will kind of make me whoozy and not interested in meditating and doing my exercises.

I meditated yesterday though because I got to sleep late. I did the physical relaxation exercises taught by W.J.Ousby, the tensing then releasing ones to release the tension from the muscles, then slowly counting from one to ten reminding yourself that you are going down deeper and deeper into a state of relaxation.

Then after relaxing you count slowly back from ten to one to end the session.

I now know that this is an adaption of a yoga exercise that is said to lessen the effects of a lack of sleep.

Just sorting out breakfast and me meds. Then I'm out for a while.

Troooolls on da board

There's a troll on the bag at the moment. I know because I caught one of his/her signature lines before s/he changed it. "So many men, so little time." And this from a married woman too. Well, a suddenly married woman, got hitched within a few pages, because the glaring impression to start off with was that s/he was in a new relationship. I must admit the thread had me reeling as I read it as well. The baggers did catch him/her out but the OP managed to explain it all away as s/he went through leaving them slightly perplexed. There were little give aways though that I picked up on. I'm pretty sure this is a man because of the way he's trying to feminise things, it comes across pretty strangely at times. I'd reckon he's about 40 too, maybe a bit older.

But ofcourse I could be wrong. Don't think so though but we'll stick to him/her because I obviously can't be totally sure. I think s/he might have another alter ego there at the moment too.

The threads are quite interesting and there've been some good responses so best just to leave it. Maybe the person will just get bored and go. It's even possible that they were trying to get a bit of info I guess .. but I don't think so more like s/he was just totally bored for a while.

There's a chance that if they do stay for a while they'll end up getting snappy if they start getting rumbled. Dunno, the threads have been slightly surreal at times but I suppose sort of interesting.

Wasn't even tempted to potter along and join in.

Anyway I must go and get some sleep now.

On the phone to the docs

I obviously had a bit of a restless night last night. Still got a bit of a cold and was rather puffy when I got up this morning. That's gone down some over the day though. It needs to to a certain extent because healing will be much easier when it does. Even with my restlessness over night things aren't too bad though.

Phoned through to Mr Charles Holmes secretary and she went into a meeting to talk to Dr Taibgee, another member of the team, and phoned me back. Just checking on something to do with my medication. And I'm to phone back on Monday.

Been a bit sleepy today. There's a change in medication and I've got a bit of a cold on top of everything else so I guess that's to be expected.

I haven't been meditating or doing my relaxation exercises as often as I should either I guess. I think my cold's going though so I guess I'll be more into that soon again.

Moving on ...........

Up, fed and medicated and needing to get a bit of a move on.

They're getting better

My lips seem to be doing quite well today. I'd noticed a couple of days ago there was a change and it's very noticeable today. It's strange really. I guess they've looked rather painful but there's not been much pain. My toe on the other hand which appeared to be healing much better has been sore but that might be because the wound would've caused the surrounding tissues to be inflamed as well.

Orrrrff to the horstpital

Well, it was hospital day yesterday, yesterday as just gone midnight. Have had a medication change so we'll see what that does. I'm to phone up if there're any problems whether I think they're to do with the medication or not. I'll be keeping notes anyway.

This time I handed my notes to my doctor and he read them, made notes from them and asked questions as he was reading through them. It'll be better though if I write daily rather than trying to remember things just before I have an appointment. I can organise them a day or so before I'm due up at the hospital. It is important at the moment that I really do monitor what's happening and contact the hospital if I need to.

Went into Warwick town centre afterwards. To start off with I thought I was in too much pain to walk up there. For some reason or other I was in a lot of pain walking over from the main hospital buildings across to the pharmacy on Lakin Road. I sat in the pharmacy waiting room for about 15 minutes and after I'd collected my medication and walked back out again found that the pain was much less and walked up into Warwick.

Anyway, off to try and get some sleep now.

Yeah............

I'm just sitting here waiting for the Nivea to settle. I'm using a mixture of Nivea and Vaseline on my lips. Nivea on first.

Been left thinking this afternoon cause I've been discussing, pooling thoughts on, something with someone on one of the boards and something similar has come up in my own life. Mine's nothing in comparrison because I'm talking now about someone who's just an acquaintence from a long way away. His is about the person who was his best female platonic friend.

But sometimes things will come up that you can't agree about and the friendship/friendly acquaintenceship ends much to your disappointment.

She's made what I think is a wrong decision that I think she'll come to regret in lots of ways.

And, now, he's (the person in my life) made a decision that has brought a whole different light to how I see his personality. And, again, I think he's gonna get really hurt. Looks to me as if he's being set up.

I'll sort of have accepted it by tomorrow but it's sure brought it home to me how the person I'm talking to on the board is feeling. Not that I wasn't aware but now I'm sitting here reacting to something reasonably similar though obviously just the tiniest, teeniest bit emotionally involved in comparrison because I didn't know this person very well.

Up late

Up later than I thought I'd be. Did some sorting out last night but then had to deal with a couple of medical problemos before going to bed. So, late again. And then had a long sleep.

I think some of my latest problems might've been set off by a virus. It didn't affect me too badly except for my lips and gums. Well, they seem a bit better this morning. I was actually surprised how quickly they'd stop bleeding .. almost instantly but because the mouth's so mobile it can be difficult to heal the skin, especially for me.

Eggs for breakfast with a couple of brewer's yeast tablets this morning rather than going for the Marmite, Eggs have B vitamins in them which help metabolise protein but I thought having a little extra via a natural supplement with them would be ok.

Well, it's worth a try.

Maybe I should leave the fruit juice out for now too. My stomach really reacted to that glass of grapefruit juice. Vomit!!!! Puke!!!! And maybe loads of citrusy things aren't good for me right now.

I dunno.

Day dreaming

I've been day dreaming about Highgate village. It's just been flitting through my mind over the last couple of day I guess because I'd been thinking about a couple of people I'd met there and then I'd just started thinking about that part of London.

Today I thought ... too many hills!!!!

Nah. I'd just been thinking about walking up from Highgate station then back down the hill on the other side walking down towards the hospital. Then there's that walk above the main road around there. I don't know the area very well really. Well, not as well as I know a lot of London.

Out on the hills again

Just been to put dinner on. I went out for my first ramble since leaving hospital around the golf course and nearby places this afternoon. I think it's my first walk around there since leaving hospital for the first time. I soon found out that trying to climb grassy hills was not a good idea. Too much of the ouch factor. Other than that it was a pleasant time out. Didn't stay out for long but it was nice to be back there again. Haven't been able to go before because of my sleep ins and then waiting for the pain relief to take effect. By the time that's sorted out and I've been out and got papers and food it's usually getting dark.

There're lots of wild flowers in bloom out there. There are daisies in the grass and I saw white nettles, dandelions, vipers bugloss, speedwell, celendines, shepherd's purse and chickweed flowering too.

I still don't know all the names of the trees and shrubs but some of them are flowering too.

The Friday before last I noticed I had some white blobs on my shoes when I was sitting down in the hall. Couldn't work out what they were. The usual culprit for that kind of thing is toothpaste but I put my shoes on after cleaning my teeth in the morning and I didn't think it likely that I'd've been wandering around for hours without noticing them. The blobs fell off my shoes when I stood up later in the evening and it turned out that they were flower petals from tree blossom. It'd been raining earlier on and the wind had blown them onto my shoes, then they dried out in the hall and fell off my shoes.

Not toothpaste at all.

Good morning

Up, doing the meds and eating breakfast. Going to concentrate on the flat today for a while and get the papers sorted and the cds into boxes. Might go for a little walk.

Listening to Mud. Wondered whether to add speakers but I think I'll leave it. The sound isn't as good as on the old Packard Bell but I'll leave it for now. And I don't want earplugs.

Had a good sleep last night though got to bed later than I meant to. I was all ready to turn in but noticed there were a couple of things to do so I sorted them out. Don't actually know what time I turned in but I fell asleep quickly and slept through til around nine this morning.

I have permission to turn up at Warwick for my next appointment when I can through the day. I said I have trouble in the mornings and I was told it didn't matter as long as I get there that day. I'll put the alarm on fer early and get a taxi in for my appointment as I don't want to put their day out.

Better get my notes for my doctors sorted out too. There're a few things to talk over and it's so easy to forget something. And this is all so complicated.

I was up much later than I should've been the night before last. Infact a whole lot of us were it turns out. Just one of those nights I guess.

Here again

Not here for long as it's getting late. Well, maybe early for me .. but you know what I mean. I'm doing me best. The two hospitals, St Thom's and Warwick, are being so good to me that I just feel that I have to keep on going on. Not just them ofcourse but today I just felt rather humbled which is why I mentioned them.

I got offered an earlier appointment at St Thom's yesterday after they'd already fitted me in for a date I'd requested at the end of the month because I've another problem. Guess I've been offered another one of their emergency appointments because I know that going by the usual route there were no appointments for over two months. I've had to miss appointments because of the way my illness was affecting me and I couldn't travel down to London but still it's pretty cool.

And today one of the team at Warwick phoned to advise me on the new problem. He included me GP in the people who are concerned so they've obviously been chatting.

There've been calls from the surgery for me to phone down there as well today.

I think we might have to change some of my medication.

I've said how brilliant these people are and they are.

I still haven't got Warwick or me doc their Steve Earle cds but they'll be getting them soon.

I'm going to write out what I need to discuss at the hospitals and with my GP and take it with me for my appointments. Will photo copy it all so they've a record to refer back to and so have I. I'll write about how my illness has been affecting me as well so that they have that for their records too. It'll save time and be useful.

Just a few minutes until the library closes...............

Back in the library again for a few mins. One of their late evenings when they close at eight. Just came down on the off chance that there'd be one free.

Not such a good day today as it took me rather a long time to get to sleep last night, woke up late which kinda put the day out again. I went for a walk yesterday evening don't really know if that had anything to do wioth it. Might not as I think I have another cold as my sense of taste has gone a bit. It's not affecting me too badly though. Apart from having problems getting to sleep last night and then feeling really sleepy today until late afternoon when I seemed to get some energy back.


Still haven't sorted out the computer and have just been on line reading. I found another site which is related to the bag through people who are posting there. Just what I need, not, more interesting forums to read. It's not as big as the bag but then it doesn't seem to have been going too long and for a newish message board is already pretty busy. I've just skimmed it today, too tired to do much else, but it looks as if it's going to be a good read.

I used to post on the bag sometimes, not often though, it's just too big and posting and reading would take up a lot of time away from the other places I go. I read two large boards, the bag and another which was one of the first I went to when I started using message boards. Was away for a while but have got interested again.

Four minutes to go until the library closes.........................................

Time to go then I guess.

1 minute

Hey, I have one minute left!! Well, I did but I guess there ain't too much you can do in a minute except this.

30 mins

Well, I'm back down here for half an hour. I might have my old computer up and running back at the flat this evening. If not, I'll set up the other one when I've sorted out the flat a bit more. There's no rush for a couple of days. I'm in read only mode back at the flat at the moment though I can click my way around quite a bit through the links I've saved and links from those pages.

The last few days have been spent tqalking a few things through which has been great. If there hadn't been computer problems I wouldn't've had one conversation that sorted out quite a bit of what's been on my mind out for me. Well, on one topic anyway. Boy, does my mind go over and over it. I guess I'm in I know it has to be true but I've found it hard to accept mode right now. "I've found" being more or less in the past tense.

I've the title of a new book to read which should be interesting.

It's a nice present to give someone. Someone gave me some information this morning that's good for me to know. It did confirm something that I thought and I knew this person didn't want to worry me and I talked a little about what I knew as a kind of present in return. I think someone else left the room because they had tears in their eyes but they could still hear what I was saying and I knew for this person it would be a very good present indeed. Well, she too has given me helpful advice in the past it's nice to be able to return the good thoughts like this.

Healthwise I still have quite a few problems. My stomach might be getting rather sensitive again and I really need to have another talk about my pain relief. But, on the other hand, my nasal passages are certainly better and I've stopped producing the amount of "sleep" that I was around my eyes. I had a bit of a problem because I'd cracked lips because of my cold and they weren't healing well but this morning things are better there too. My toe isn't too bad. I'd knocked it and ofcourse my foot's reaction to anything like that is to blister and this wasn't a nice blister but it's healing. The blister didn't go hen's egg size either. Obviously we're heading back down to more your Cadbury's mini egg size though not there yet. This was a deepish one though but it's healing.

Anyway, have to go now as the library's due to close in a few minutes.

here again

Just down the library for a few minutes. Haven't sorted out the computer yet. Am getting on with the sorting out and packing in the flat at the moment.

Eating well, in bed on time, meditating and doing my exercises. Up earlier which means that I take my pain relief earlier and so the second dose is in the morning which makes things a lot better for me.

That's about it fer now.

Just here for a few minutes again. Hopefully tomorrow I'll sort out being back on line at the flat. There are two options. If one works then I'll be back tomorrow evening, if not it'll be a few more days.

Not too bad really, got a slightly sore foot but am dealing with it with antiseptic spray, helping healing plasters and some foam. Getting to sleep earlier, doing my exercises, meditation etc.

Time to go fer now as I'm just using one of the fifteen minute at a time computers at the library.

Doon the library

I'm down the library with not many minutes to go. I'll be back on line at the flat in a couple of days.

Did go out yesterday evening and it was interesting. We did a kind of meditational journey and I guess I found mine interesting to think about afterwoods. The evening was interesting all round though. There were quite a few people there so we were there quite a long time.

I'd had a busy day yesterday and maybe I did too much cause I was really tired when I got back and still had dinner to make. Woke up round 12ish today which meant I'd a long sleep last night.

Best save and go now I think as the library will be closing soon.

Mega mega multi vits.

Up, fed and medicated. More or less. Still got my protein drink to go.

Had a restless night last night. Walked to Sainsburys, had dinner and was on net and phone, then fell asleep. Woke up and couldn't get back to sleep for a few hours. Did eventually and woke up around miday!!

Don't feel too bad though I'm tired.

I noticed an article in the papers about vitamins not always being good for you. I presume they mean in mega doses. I've been a bit wary about taking large doses of vitamins since the 70s or 80s when it was found that taking large doses of B6 caused numbness and tingling.

When I became a vegan and was reading up on nutrition I had a book that told you about the symptoms of toxity from vitamins and minerals which was enough to put me off. It told you what was considered safe but I didn't take large doses anyway. I can remember reading that taking above a certain amount of vitamin D could cause calcium deposits around the body and I really didn't think that sounded very nice!!! It assured you that the deposits could happen in the brain too. Wonderful, I thought. You had to take heaps of the stuff but I thought it was best to be careful.

I take a multi mineral and vitamin pill that contains a 100% of the RDA (recommended daily amount) recommended in this country for most of the vitamins and minerals it contains though I think it only has 25% of calcium recommended. I was thinking the other day it'd be nice if the individual vitamin tablets came in smaller amounts, more pills in little amounts. I was just going to take tiny amounts of vit C at regular intervals during the day to see if it could help me get rid of my cold just to keep my nutrition up.