OK .. yesterday was not one of my better days!!!

I ate all the chocolate peanut M&Ms out of one of the recording kits they were selling in The Works sale. Bought because it's going to be a whole lot of fun practicing me languages talking and playing back to a yellow plastic M&M where you press one eyebrow to record and the other to play back.

Then I walked down to the Warwick Tesco once I got off the phone and carried me shopping back again. I didn't carry much but I shouldn't've done it. The walk there was fine, the walk back wasn't.

Repeats to self. I've only been out of hospital a week and I was quite poorly when I left because I'd been given heaps of pain relief for the first few days, had got a cold, had cameras down my insides etc followed by corrective procedures. I have another serious illness that I'm still in the process of sorting out.

Half an hour is me limit for walks at the moment.

I can go out for walks now but not carrying things like that. Half an hour is fine as long as I'm not carrying groceries and things.

Rather tired

I'm up, fed and medicated. I overdid things a bit yesterday so am feeling rather tired today. I hadn't slept that well for a few nights either but last night was ok.

Just tired right now.

Cold prevention

Well, attempted anyway.

I was leafing through some magazines when I saw a couple of pages of information about how to lessen your chances of picking up a cold. Obviously something I'm interested in at the moment.

When I was in hospital this time there was a bottle of hand rub attached to the end of every bed in the ward which you could use. I think the last time I was on a ward in the hospital, a few months earlier, there was just one by the sinks. These rubs were mentioned in the article so I bought some from Boots. I'll wash my hands a lot more too to see if I can cut down on the number of colds I get.

I'm not so sure about taking black elderberry and things like that because I've noticed on an information leaflet that goes with one of the medications I'm on that they advise you to tell your doctor if you're taking St John's Wort and another herbal remedy. I'll have to talk it over.

Read the rest of the article too to see what other suggestions they've come up with.

Norah Jones

I went into HMV and while I was there they played a track off the new Norah Jones cd. It was so relaxing, my mind was dancing and spinning around even if my body couldn't follow. It just kind of went with what I'd been envisaging before the music started playing.

I'd said that I wasn't going to buy any more music for a while but this was just playing with my senses. I've a meditation book to read with a cd to go with it which I hope will help too.

And .. a revision book on jurisprudence!!!!!!!!


Ya know I'm really getting into this recovery thing.


Rushes off to get some sleep.

Thinking back

Used to enjoy going for walks in Battersea Park, even playing in the little bit of snow that fell there .. not counting 1963 ofcourse!!! Marooned at my aunt's with chickenpox instead of going back to Holland. Boy, did it snow that year and on into the next. And I got to see it all thanks to showing matron a spot that'd appeared on the last day of term. Not that it'd've made any difference really I'd've just've been spotty at me aunts instead of sick bay for the first few days. There was no way I'd've been able to hide the chicken pox that appeared in the days coming up to my flight home. Someone eventually came to collect me and take me to my aunts in their car.

But, I'm thinking of much later than that. Out in the snow and going for walks. And being there for the Easter Parade.

Walking to Battersea

I was up too late again last night. I'd been on the phone a lot and just sat around thinking about a lot of things afterwards. I'm not sure when I eventually turned in but it was late.

So, I felt awful when I woke up this morning. Was up around half nine but I know that I just can't stay up til the early hours of the morning. It was just a lot of things were kind of interconnected and I had a lot to think about.

My mind's drifting off elsewhere a lot on to my journey back and the differences that's going to make. Someone I was talking to used to live down Queenstown Road, right near the bridge, going down to Battersea Park. Quite a while since I've been there too, though it's not forgotten anymore than anywhere else is. What's going to be interesting when I get back is how things have changed.

Battersea Park? Where a dog took me dog's and my sandwich right out of my hand and ate it. Carried all the way from Clapham Junction M & S down to the park on a doggie walk instead of just pottering along Clapham Common.

I used to go down there to Battersea to see friends and sometimes go to the park. I'd sometimes go down the Queenstown Road way, sometimes down the Arding and Hobbs/Clapham Junction station end into Battersea.

It all depends on how the illness sorts itself out how all that will go I guess.

Going off to do dinner now and off to rest early this evening.

Zzzzzzzzzzz

I'm up, had breakfast and about to sort out my medication.

Wish of the day.

Zzzzzzzzzzz

Eat lunch

Zzzzzzzzzzz




I'm tired.

Birmingham? no, no, no!!!

I did wonder if I could go to Birmingham today but obviously the answer's no. There's no way that I could travel that far right now. Pleasant thought though.

Early this morning I asked myself where would you like to be right now and I saw myself on Streatham Common walking up to The Rookery which is a nice space to sit on the common. It's nice and relaxing there. A long time since I've been there though. I can't remember if the enclosed garden in Brockwell Park has seats or not or if you just wander round looking at the flowers there. I like Brockwell Park.

My mind wandered off across the seas but I know it's going to be a long time before I'm well enough to travel further. One step at a time.

Got me papers for the day and a couple of text books. Quite relaxed about reading again. Just felt interested .. no hassle. I came back in and had to lie down as my back was a bit achy and went into some kind of very deep relaxation. I've been listening to a meditational cd from Gaiam. Maybe it's starting to work on some kind of subconscious level or maybe I'm just very tired after hardly sleeping last night. I was very good though and only got up for a bite to eat and then went back to rest. Didn't stay up. If I had I'm sure I'd be feeling a lot worse now. I was resting even though I couldn't sleep.

Anyway had a rest after getting in this afternoon and me backache's not so bad. Thought I had a bit of a headache coming on but that turned out to be nothing to worry about.

Sleepy

I didn't sleep much last night because of muscle problems. Well, it's part of getting better but uncomfortable to say the least. Just got up for a bite to eat and check if I'd taken my slow release morphine pill that evening .. I had. Decided to take one on an empty stomach this morning as I did that in hospital and it doesn't mention taking them with food on the pack. Pill in first .. breakfast follows. I just wondered if it'd got too mixed up with food that evening. Took a couple of paracetamol instead but didn't get any sleep for hours.

Things were put in perspective though when I went over to one of my boards and yet another tragedy. There were a number leading upto Christmas mainly involving young or relatively young people. I just felt so sad. Made me realise how the friendships grow too without you really realising it.

I'm just gutted about what's happened right now.

This evening

Well, eaten most of my tea but eating isn't that easy right now. And obviously I can't go out this evening to the Friday meeting. I've a meditational dvd to watch though. Not quite the same because I enjoy the company, listening to other people and being there, but it'll have to do for now because I'm not up to a couple of hours out. I have to thank them for taking away some of the fear that went with being so ill.

There's a lot to think over too. This illness has just changed so much. It certainly isn't easy.

While I was in hospital this time I could put myself in mum's place when she was there. I can't remember which wards she was on when she went into Warwick. I know she wasn't on the one I was on this time but I guess last time in I probably found myself on a ward she'd been in. I never expected in find myself ill and being nursed there as I'm a Kings and St Thom's grrl meself and it'd never crossed my mind that I'd develop a serious illness while I was here.

How wrong can you be.

I found out that someone I know had a real difficult time a year ago which I hadn't been told about. To ask about it or not? Think I'll leave it but keep an eye open.

Being in hospital started my reading again. Just read through what I could in the last couple of days .. well, in my few waking hours. I was reading, chatting, though couldn't talk much and had to leave that to other people, and occasionally pottered down to the cafe for a lovely drink of hot chocolate once I was on my feet again.

The hot chocolate. Nice. And the soup and the bedtime Ovaltine.

How on earth did they cope?

First of all I'd also like to add my thanks to the staff in Warwick hospital's A & E who were wonderful too and took care with my pain relief soon after I arrived, made it bearable, and got me packed off to Beaumont ward pretty quickly.

I heard while I was in the hospital that the A & E department had been saved from closure.


While I was there I wondered just how people in the past had coped with chronic illness. There would've been forms of pain relief but I've no idea quite what or how prevalent it would be in the various villages, towns and cities.

Fortunately for me the illness and therefore the pain I had when I went in has been treated. I'm left with dealing with the other illness which I'll be doing the best I can using complementary techniques to help. Things like meditation have proven effects so I'll be using them to try and give myself a chance to feel better and therefore give myself a better chance of coping with the illness and it going into recession.

Friday

Feeling a bit better than I have been since I left hospital. I was just exhausted for the first couple of days. I took notice of the thought of the day and was careful about rest and food.

A friend sent a relaxation, centering and therefore, healing, exercise to do which I started this morning.

I'm still keeping the pain relief down but the pain's there and ofcourse it's tempting to just pour out a few mls of oramorph or to start adding pills back in again but I've decided to try and keep them to a minimum because it'll be better for me. Keep the music flowing and see if it'll help as it said in that article.

I'd bought back a few lunch packs of cheese, biscuits and pickle from the hospital shop which went down well with a bit of fruit for the first few days.

I do feel a bit better now.